Monday, April 4, 2011

Weight Gain

I gained 2 kilos in 6 days and EVERYBODY is ECSTATIC about it, but me.  
I just want to hide under my blanket and ball my eyes out.
If I gain that much in such a short amount of time, still eating maybe half of what a "normal" eating person consumes, how much will I gain when I am actually able to eat a rather normal portion?
This is going way too fast! How is my psyche supposed to keep up with that? I haven't even started on working on a single one of my issues.
This is just going way too fast. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Will I ever find a place of employment?

I received a message a few days ago telling me that because of the way I chose to share my story and my struggle with anorexia, I would never be able to find a job, that no employer would even consider my application.

I received this message on the day that my therapy started and I had a mental breakdown. I chose to tell my story and to be honest because I am sick and tired of hiding and of pretending to be someone that I am not.

But still, it was a shock to hear this at this point (seriously, could this someone have been even more inconsiderate?) and after crying my eyes out, I got super angry. Am I supposed to go to university thinking that I won't be able to get a job anyway, that society thinks of me as not worthy of having a chance in life? Is it not commendable that people, who decide to be treated for whatever disease they have, want to get healthy and are willing to go through hell to find their way back to life?

Is it really the case that people who choose to be treated for a mental disease are viewed as some kind of "trash", that it is not worth "the risk" of employing them?

If that is the way it is, then what perspective do we have? What kind of world do we live in?