1/3/11 - because I am different! LOL

no, seriously...this was suppsoed to be more 1/1/11 blog post, but due to the fact that I had no internet connection (I know, it is getting old), I couldn't publish it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!

I still cannot fathom that 2010 is over. It will take a long time until I have processed everything that happened in that single year.
Nothing has REALLY sunk in yet. Nothing.

If 2011 is only half as eventful, it will be a heck of a year.

I've had the best New Year's Eve of my life. Everything was just perfect.

Andreas surprised me with a trip to Frankfurt; the city where we got engaged in june. He found a restaurant a few months ago called BUZZANO. He'd go there from time to time with his business partners and always raved about the delicious steaks and the extraordinary concept of the restaurant. I was always a tad envious of him because it sounded so fantastic and when I saw their New Year's Eve menu, my mouth was watering. Andreas must have noticed and since he knows the owner of the restaurant pretty well, he was able to still get a table for the 2 of us.

After some drama at home regarding - you guessed it - the internet and not being able to print our train tickets, we arrived at the train station quite a bit stressed and unnerved. That changed the moment we sat down in the train and the excitement took over again.

We arrived in Frankfurt only about 8 minutes late (a round of applause for the Deutsche Bahn, please), found the hotel right away (hubby booked a room at a super stylish ne

w hotel, I was thrilled!), we got changed in record time and were at BUZZANO's at 8.30 pm.

I can't even begin to describe how delicious the food was.
I ate things I never thought I'd try. [Somehow, I forgot to take a picture of the dessert... probably because it was way too delicious!!! lol]

it is too late for me to translate the menue into English, so the picture will have to do. :P

We left the restaurant just in time to make it to the OPERNPLATZ (which is about 2 minutes away) and greeted the New Year right next to the place we had dinner after our engagement.

the first picture of Andreas & I in 2011

There were hundreds of people and the fireworks were beautiful, magnificent and magical. I felt like a little child; I was in a sate of pure bliss! :)

THIS WAS BY FAR THE BEST START TO A NEW YEAR!!!!

Taking the first and most important step

A few weeks ago, I FINALLY admitted to myself and to the people around me that I have an eating disorder and that I have had it for about 15 years or so.

It is a shameful thing to admit.

There are different causes of anorexia. I never thought that I looked too fat or wanted to be a model or anything in that direction. I have just always been terribly scared of not being accepted for who I am.
My weight is what defines me. It is who I am. I am thinking about what food and exercise 24/7 and have been doing that for more than a decade. I worry about it every second of the day.

Like I said, my goal has never been to be skinny because I thought that it looked nice. Being skinny is just the result of trying to prove my body wrong, of trying to be as strict with myself as I possibly can, of trying to show my family that I was good at one thing: staying in shape.

But I am exhausted. It has gone too far. I can`t live like that anymore.
I can honestly tell you that I cannot remember EVER enjoying a single meal WITHOUT thinking of the consequences, without thinking about a way to get rid of it. It is a prison and I just now realized that this isn`t normal, that it cannot be the way to live life.

I need help. I need it fast. I know that now.

It is time to start the battle against my eating disorder.