Today was an extremely uneventful day, except for the fact that I had to step on the scale. That was all.
I spent my day in my room despite the georgous weather. I don`t know if I am allowed to leave the area and go for a walk. I am quite confused because the doctor tells me one thing, the nurses tell me the opposite. Who (or is it "whom"?) do I believe?
First, they tell me that I can leave the compound as often as I want and that I should even go home on the weekend.
Then, this morning, the doctor told me that I was not even allowed to leave the compound and that I could not go home, no matter my state of mind.
The problem is that I am so shy and insecure that I just cannot ask what to do now. I am such a coward, but when I stand in front of them, I just cannot get the words out. So, I will have to wait and see.
First, they tell me that I can leave the compound as often as I want and that I should even go home on the weekend.
Then, this morning, the doctor told me that I was not even allowed to leave the compound and that I could not go home, no matter my state of mind.
The problem is that I am so shy and insecure that I just cannot ask what to do now. I am such a coward, but when I stand in front of them, I just cannot get the words out. So, I will have to wait and see.
I lost 8 pounds since I was weighed the last time and now only have a BMI of 15. My weight was 36.8 kilograms. I was shocked and still am. I NEVER, not in a million years, would have thought that I was THAT skinny and I cannot begin to imagine how little I must have weighed 3 months ago, when I stopped functioning.
If my BMI drops below 15, I will not be allowed to go home on the weekends, leave the compound or participate in physical therapy and I will, of course, have to stay much longer.
Despite knowing these facts, I am almost going crazy because I ate 3 meals today and I cannot work out. I am terrified of what the scale will say tomorrow morning. I am not sure how I will be able to deal with the shame should I gain a tiny bit of weight. I do not know how I would be able to look my doctor in the eye.
I hope the time of diagnosis will be over soon. I really need them to start my therapeutic program.
If my BMI drops below 15, I will not be allowed to go home on the weekends, leave the compound or participate in physical therapy and I will, of course, have to stay much longer.
Despite knowing these facts, I am almost going crazy because I ate 3 meals today and I cannot work out. I am terrified of what the scale will say tomorrow morning. I am not sure how I will be able to deal with the shame should I gain a tiny bit of weight. I do not know how I would be able to look my doctor in the eye.
I hope the time of diagnosis will be over soon. I really need them to start my therapeutic program.
BUT I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THE VIEW. I HIT THE JACKPOT WITH MY ROOM!
