A few weeks ago, I FINALLY admitted to myself and to the people around me that I have an eating disorder and that I have had it for about 15 years or so.
It is a shameful thing to admit.
There are different causes of anorexia. I never thought that I looked too fat or wanted to be a model or anything in that direction. I have just always been terribly scared of not being accepted for who I am.
My weight is what defines me. It is who I am. I am thinking about what food and exercise 24/7 and have been doing that for more than a decade. I worry about it every second of the day.
Like I said, my goal has never been to be skinny because I thought that it looked nice. Being skinny is just the result of trying to prove my body wrong, of trying to be as strict with myself as I possibly can, of trying to show my family that I was good at one thing: staying in shape.
But I am exhausted. It has gone too far. I can`t live like that anymore.
I can honestly tell you that I cannot remember EVER enjoying a single meal WITHOUT thinking of the consequences, without thinking about a way to get rid of it. It is a prison and I just now realized that this isn`t normal, that it cannot be the way to live life.
I need help. I need it fast. I know that now.
It is time to start the battle against my eating disorder.
*hugs* wish you all the best Anne!
ReplyDeleteKrissy xx
thanks, Krissy!
ReplyDelete*hugs* you can do it. Just the fact that you have admitted it and are telling people is a huge step. You rock.
ReplyDeleteI love you! Let me know if I can help at all.
Love,
Maggie
You are being very brave and you have friends both near and far who will support and encourage you!
ReplyDelete**Hugs**
Amy aka Knitnmom
Hugs! I'm so proud of you Hon! You ARE going to beat this. If you need us, you know how to reach us! We are praying for you & cheering you on as you walk this hard but passable road! Love you Hon!!
ReplyDeleteMy own daughter has gone down this road with an eating disorder, so I understand what an important first step you have made. I hope you can find the help you need to overcome this. My daughter says the person that helped her the most was her nutrionist/dietician. Know that you will be in my prayers as always.
ReplyDeleteMary
aka MaryJ76
You are a brave woman and I am so very proud of
ReplyDeleteyou. I'm here for you and I will keep you in
my thoughts and prayers every day.
I love you very much.
*hugs*
Christine
Glad you were given the strength and support to admit it to yourself and others. Praying that the Lord Jesus Christ will help you move forward. Your friends are here for you too!
ReplyDelete