A heck of a weekend

We celebrated our 1st anniversary in the same restaurant we had dinner last year. It was fun to remember how things had changed in those 12 months. Being back at this restaurant reminded me of how fresh everything was at the beginning, how different our dynamic was, how Andreas used to prepare breakfast for me before he went to work, how he showered me with presents (like my beloved green iPod shuffle which I lost in the last few days. *sad face*) and how excited we both were to have found each other. Thank God that we haven't forgotten the unfathomable luck we have. 

Anyways, I digress...

We had the most delicious food ever and both ate truffles (which gave us the idea of what to cook on Sunday) and were both able to enjoy eating in the middle of the day, something that is a HUGE deal for us, as we have never really been able to do just that.

After lunch we went on a boat trip on Lake Zürich. It was awesome. We sat in the sun (both getting a bit sunburnt) for 1,5 hours just being in love, not thinking of anything, leaving the clinic, work, all the issues  of everyday life behind us. 

It was a wonderful day. A day that will give me the strength to take the next big steps on my way to health. 

If you want to know what we did on Sunday, check this site again later today. 

Big Bang

Exactly one year ago at 5pm I met my husband, the man of my life. And, oh my, what a year it has been. We have had so many ups and downs, there were so many obstacles thrown in our path, be it parents who didn't attend our wedding, money problems, anorexia sticking its head out again, work issues or university struggles. We have mastered it all much better than I could have ever hoped for. 
We are more than ready for our 2nd year of relationship and I am sure that we will grow even more with every challenge that comes our way. 


This quote by Paulo Coelho describes the year that lies behind us perfectly. 


“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back.”


Life does not look back and neither do we. 


I love you, Andreas! 

Lost & Found

A year ago today I flew back home from LA after I watched the series finale with my fellow LOST friends at the Orpheum theater. I left the city of angels taking with me a multitude of memories, laughter, tears, melancholy, new found friends and a heart full with gratitude and bliss.

A year ago today, I had no idea what was going to happen, how my life was about to change. I had no idea that only 5 days later I would write an email to a guy called Andreas. I had no idea that only 8 days later I would call this guy for the very first time, talking to him for hours and hours as if we’d known each other forever. I had no idea that only 10 days later I would travel to Zürich to meet Andreas for the very first time, that I would move in with him only 13 days later and that I would get engaged mere 16 days after this incredible event in LA.

And even though I had no idea what exactly was about to happen, I knew that a new phase, a new chapter of my life was about to begin.

I remember sitting on the plane alternately laughing and crying listening to the final episode of The Transmission over and over again.

At the beginning of the series LOST, I was more lost than each and every single one of our beloved characters. Looking at my current situation, it would appear that I am now just as lost as I was back then, but I will have to disagree.

I have been found in so many ways.

I have been found by my husband, by love, by a bit more confidence, by acceptance, by the courage to fight, by the strength to let go.

There is one thing I will never let go off, though. I will never let go of my friends. Not ever. LOST has changed my life (and I am sure that you have read this sentence so many times in connection with this series that you are getting sick of it; but, what can I say?!, it is the truth!) for ever and I will eternally be grateful for all the chances, all the changes, all the friendships, all the trips, all the hours and hours of podcasts, all the new dimensions, all the new universes, all the new experiences that LOST has given to me. LOST has taken me to Kentucky, to Raleigh, to NYC, to LA and to Hawai’i. LOST has opened the world of social media to me and with that, it has given me an idea of what I want to do in life.
And, in the end, LOST has paved the road for the marriage that I am now blessed with. 

Nicola

Can I just say that Nicola is the best cousin in the world???!!!

I received this in the mail a couple of days ago.

Thank you, Nicola, for all your support, for your daily messages, for making me laugh, for continuously cheering for me and for not letting me give up. 

I love you deerly!!! 

You continue to live in our hearts, Amy, and you always will!

Yesterday morning, my friend Amy passed away.
I am still at a loss for words. Everything I write just seems hollow and doesn't really express what I feel. 
I am still in shock, I guess, and the news hasn't really sunk in yet. Amy was such an amazing person; I just cannot imagine her not being here anymore. 
I tried to distract myself today by talking as much as I haven't talked in my whole life (about totally banal subjects), by starting to clean my room at 6am, by reorganizing every single drawer, by making random plans and running around doing errands; but nothing helped. Amy is always on my mind. I will miss her terribly, as will so many others. 
My husband and I talked about the outpouring of love seen on her Facebook page during the last weeks and especially days. I hope Amy was able to read everyone's comments and knew that she was loved and will be deeply missed. Please keep praying for her, her family and friends. 


I would like to encourage you to read the following blog posts, composed so much more eloquently and beautifully; every single one was written for and in memory of Amy. 


AngelSteph:
http://angelsteph.wordpress.com/2011/04/30/farewell-my-friend/#comment-126


Edith Baker:
http://spicedogs.livejournal.com/817545.html


Lea:
http://jelejada.blogspot.com/2011/04/life-death.html


AlisonL:
http://300sixtyfive.blogspot.com/2011/04/update.html


Cliff Ravenscraft:
http://gspn.tv/AmyWright/

Amy - We love you

Today, I was going to write about the fact that today is the day that will decide whether I can stay at the clinic for 4 more weeks or whether I will have to leave immediately.

However, this seems so very insignificant compared to the news I have heard about my fellow gspn.tv member and long lasting friend, Amy Wright. Amy has been suffering from Ulcerative Colitis for 20 years and has been diagnosed with cancer only a short time ago. Throughout this time, I have never heard Amy complain or quarrel with her fate. Far from it! Here is what she wrote on her facebook page:

I am still speechless and in awe of Amy's courage, her optimism and her grace in dealing with this unfathomable situation. Her attitude is more than inspiring and the strength she has shown over the last few weeks is remarkable. Amy is an incredible person and I am blessed to have gotten to know her.  

She was there from the very beginning, always sending me notes of encouragement, giving me perspective, making me laugh, she always had a kind word and reached out to me numerous times.

I am having a hard time finding the right words. So, instead I would like to suggest you read the posts of two wonderful bloggers who have the special gift to always find the right way of expressing what most people are feeling; Cliff Ravenscraft and AlisonL.

http://gspn.tv/AmyWright

http://300sixtyfive.blogspot.com/2011/04/day-316-saying-goodbye-one.html
(WARNING: reading this blog will definitely make you cry, I was sobbing for a good half hour...)

I would like to ask you to please pray for Amy and her family and loved ones.

Here is a link to Amy's facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/QueenAmy83

Amy, thank you for being such a blessing! You are loved!

... we have to live with the consequences of our choices!

... and make the best of it.

Well, Andreas and I ate so much of that meat prepared with Cameroonian spices that we were sick on Sunday and Monday. Especially I was the one who felt as sick as never before. I will spare you the details; let's just say that it wasn't pretty... Every time I caught my reflection, I startled: I totally looked like a drug addict or a living dead with huge black rings under my eyes. 

However, since we expected to get sick at some point, we were prepared. Also, the fact that my mom is a pharmacist helped with our first-aid kit. :)
We talked to Joseph’s mother and sisters and they told us that even locals would get sick from these special kinds of spices. The only thing that was a tiny bit unnerving was the fact that we still did not have any water at home. So, we decided to go up to Mont Fébé and spend the day at the pool there. It wasn’t ideal, but we could at least use the restroom…

It was an especially beautiful day, but I don’t think that I even noticed the wonderful view of Yaoundé on that day.

At the end of the day I felt so sick that I had no scruples anymore. When I saw that there were couches in the very fancy restaurant we went to, I decided to change the table and lay down while the other three were enjoying their delicious dinner. By the time we got home, I couldn’t even walk on my own anymore. I was so very lucky that we had to postpone our trip to Kribi for 2 days; I would have never been able to travel for 4 hours as we had planned.

On Monday we felt a bit better and we had water again, so we could take a shower! YES!!!!! :D

Since Joseph had to go to a meeting, which could take an hour or 5 (time is irrelevant in Cameroon), Valerie, Andreas and I took it easy. We had breakfast and then strolled around a beautiful garden in the center of Yaoundé, “Le Jardin d’Amour”, where all the young couples spend their time.

It is still very uncommon for lovers to show affection in public, kissing is basically a no go and holding hands is also seen as reprehensible. Being gay is still considered a punishable offense. So, one has to be careful walking around kissing or holding hands. A lesson, Andreas and I had to learn the hard way. But you have to respect the customs and points of view of the country and just adapt in order to not offend the locals. 

The rest of the day was rather quiet except for the fact that I had a fit of laughter while standing under the shower soaped from head to toe and the turned off the water – again. Supposedly for 5 minutes, BUT this being Cameroon, I decided to use mineral water instead in order to not catch a cold and it was the right decision as it took them about 50 minutes… The best thing about it was that the family knew that I was taking a shower and they still went ahead and turned the water off, instead of waiting 3 more minutes until I was done. I thought it was hilarious. We could learn something from their serenity.

The day in pictures:

Just what I needed to be reminded of today.

Originally, I was going to start to write about our first few days in Yaoundé (which I know a lot of you want to hear about), but – as I have said this morning – my thoughts are still so scattered that I am having a writer’s block. There is so much to tell, but I do not know where to start. I really should have written everything down while we were in Cameroon, but I just did not have the time.

Anyways, I am repeating myself.

Valerie and I spent the morning together, enjoying some coffee/ hot chocolate, talking about everything and nothing, just having a good time before running some errands in the bitter cold. I don’t know why we even left the house. It is freeeeeezing here in Germany. I really wish I could go back to Cameroon. *sigh*

During her time in Cameroon Valerie started to read the bible every morning with Joseph (her boyfriend) and she decided to continue her daily devotionals here in Germany too. So, we went to a Christian bookstore to buy a bible and two books of Daily Bible Verses.

While she was choosing a bible, I was looking around the store and I noticed a beautiful postcard with 2 Timothy 1:7 written on it:

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

I had chosen this scripture as my confirmation reading and it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment as all of my fears and anxieties came back when we arrived in Europe again.

Needless to say, I bought the card and have read this verse over and over again today (although I have known it by heart since I was 13 years old) and it helped me get through the day, it kept me thinking and gave me strength. I love this verse and always have and I cannot believe that I needed to see this and read this postcard before remembering it.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Isn’t this passage just beautiful, comforting and so full of hope?!

THANK YOU ISN´T EVEN ENOUGH!

The outpouring of love, support, understanding and encouragement that I have received after writing about my eating disorder is quite moving and unexpected.

I received so many messages on facebook, twitter, via email and in the comments section of the blog that it will take me some time to reply to everybody. But please know how much this means to me.

Knowing that you all care DOES help a whole lot and it gives me the strength to continue this difficult but necessary journey.

Every single one of you who reached out to me has truly make a difference and will continue to do so.

The night I knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Today, my husband and I spent a magnificent day full of joy, laughter and love: a much needed day for the 2 of us after all the holiday craziness and the painful realization of my eating disorder.

We decided to go hiking. Because of the perfect weather, we spent the entire day outside.

We climbed to the top of Uetliberg mountain, Zürich’s local mountain and the place where we had dinner exactly 7 months ago today.

It was a Saturday evening (only the day after we had met each other for the very first time) when we took the Sihltal Zürich Uetliberg Bahn railway to the Uetliberg Station and had dinner "above the rooftops of Zürich".



While having a delicious dinner with the most breathtaking view you can possibly imagine, we were observing an Italian wedding party for hours and hours. It was loud, fascinating, romantic and grandiose.

Naturally, we started to talk about marriage & what it meant to us.
It was one of the most memorable, profound and touching conversations I had ever had.
At one point, I told him that I had always dreamed of a beach wedding, very intimate with just a select group of people. It turned out that he wanted the same and to this day Andreas claims that this was my way of proposing to him. LOL




While I have to disagree with him, I knew right then and there that he was going to be my husband.

More snow!

I still cannot get over the fact that I am actually excited about this. I don't know what my husband did, but EVERYTHING has changed since I met him. I did NOT like winter, I did NOT like Advent (it made me lonelier and more depressed than I already was) and I did NOT like snow.

NOW, I get emotional, listen to Christmas music and just stand at the window watching the snowflakes fall down. Isn't it beautiful?

I wish you all a great start to the week!