Just what I needed to be reminded of today.

Originally, I was going to start to write about our first few days in Yaoundé (which I know a lot of you want to hear about), but – as I have said this morning – my thoughts are still so scattered that I am having a writer’s block. There is so much to tell, but I do not know where to start. I really should have written everything down while we were in Cameroon, but I just did not have the time.

Anyways, I am repeating myself.

Valerie and I spent the morning together, enjoying some coffee/ hot chocolate, talking about everything and nothing, just having a good time before running some errands in the bitter cold. I don’t know why we even left the house. It is freeeeeezing here in Germany. I really wish I could go back to Cameroon. *sigh*

During her time in Cameroon Valerie started to read the bible every morning with Joseph (her boyfriend) and she decided to continue her daily devotionals here in Germany too. So, we went to a Christian bookstore to buy a bible and two books of Daily Bible Verses.

While she was choosing a bible, I was looking around the store and I noticed a beautiful postcard with 2 Timothy 1:7 written on it:

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

I had chosen this scripture as my confirmation reading and it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment as all of my fears and anxieties came back when we arrived in Europe again.

Needless to say, I bought the card and have read this verse over and over again today (although I have known it by heart since I was 13 years old) and it helped me get through the day, it kept me thinking and gave me strength. I love this verse and always have and I cannot believe that I needed to see this and read this postcard before remembering it.

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

Isn’t this passage just beautiful, comforting and so full of hope?!

Cameroon: a life changing experince

It has been 3 days since my sister, my husband and I arrived back in Switzerland, but my mind is still stuck in Africa.
I haven't been able to sleep much since we returned waking up often during the night and having vivid dreams about our adventures.
I woke up at 4am and there was no way of going back to sleep.
As soon as my thoughts are back in order and my mind has processed all the unforgettable impressions of our vacation, I will write a multitude of blog posts.
However, it may take a while before I can go back to my routine.

All I can say for now is that I have fallen in love with this country, its people, the scenery, the way of life and the time I spent there has definitely given me a whole new perspective on life.

Something inside me has changed.

Leaving for Cameroon!!!!!!!

I will try to write and share as much as I possibly can during the next 2 weeks, but I have no idea how often I will have access to the internet.

What NOT to do with a broken thumb:

...build an IKEA closet on your own;

unless you want it to look like THAT:





I hope my husband can fix it... :(

P.S. I would like to add that I am usually VERY handy with tools and LOVE to set up all kinds of IKEA furniture.

Obligatory 1/11/11 Post

Since I am in a hurry and kind of uninspired (seriously, who stole all the inspiration I had last week), I will post a few wishes that I wrote up earlier this year in light of admitting to being "not OK".

My Wishes for Myself

I want to get healthy for the first time in my life.
I want to be able to accept myself for who I am.
I want to reach and stay at a healthy weight.
I want to get rid off my eating attacks.
I want to come to terms with who I am.
I want to be able to enjoy food.
I want to be able to NOT THINK about what I am eating all day long.
I just want to be normal for one single day in my life.

Physical and mental health is what I am striving for.

I hope to write a few more blog posts before leaving for Africa in 2 days (canNOT wait!!!), but I cannot promise anything.

Have a Happy 1/11/11, my friends!

THANK YOU ISN´T EVEN ENOUGH!

The outpouring of love, support, understanding and encouragement that I have received after writing about my eating disorder is quite moving and unexpected.

I received so many messages on facebook, twitter, via email and in the comments section of the blog that it will take me some time to reply to everybody. But please know how much this means to me.

Knowing that you all care DOES help a whole lot and it gives me the strength to continue this difficult but necessary journey.

Every single one of you who reached out to me has truly make a difference and will continue to do so.

The night I knew who I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Today, my husband and I spent a magnificent day full of joy, laughter and love: a much needed day for the 2 of us after all the holiday craziness and the painful realization of my eating disorder.

We decided to go hiking. Because of the perfect weather, we spent the entire day outside.

We climbed to the top of Uetliberg mountain, Zürich’s local mountain and the place where we had dinner exactly 7 months ago today.

It was a Saturday evening (only the day after we had met each other for the very first time) when we took the Sihltal Zürich Uetliberg Bahn railway to the Uetliberg Station and had dinner "above the rooftops of Zürich".



While having a delicious dinner with the most breathtaking view you can possibly imagine, we were observing an Italian wedding party for hours and hours. It was loud, fascinating, romantic and grandiose.

Naturally, we started to talk about marriage & what it meant to us.
It was one of the most memorable, profound and touching conversations I had ever had.
At one point, I told him that I had always dreamed of a beach wedding, very intimate with just a select group of people. It turned out that he wanted the same and to this day Andreas claims that this was my way of proposing to him. LOL




While I have to disagree with him, I knew right then and there that he was going to be my husband.

Traveling like a maniac

I know that for most Americans traveling by plane isn't the most exciting thing in the world. And while I have certainly had my fare share of flying, 2010 was an exceptionally awesome year. I was so blessed to visit so many places and experience so many extraordinary events. I have made a fun illustration of my flights since listing all the other exciting and beautiful places I have been to by car last year, I'd still sit here tomorrow...

1/3/11 - because I am different! LOL

no, seriously...this was suppsoed to be more 1/1/11 blog post, but due to the fact that I had no internet connection (I know, it is getting old), I couldn't publish it!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!

I still cannot fathom that 2010 is over. It will take a long time until I have processed everything that happened in that single year.
Nothing has REALLY sunk in yet. Nothing.

If 2011 is only half as eventful, it will be a heck of a year.

I've had the best New Year's Eve of my life. Everything was just perfect.

Andreas surprised me with a trip to Frankfurt; the city where we got engaged in june. He found a restaurant a few months ago called BUZZANO. He'd go there from time to time with his business partners and always raved about the delicious steaks and the extraordinary concept of the restaurant. I was always a tad envious of him because it sounded so fantastic and when I saw their New Year's Eve menu, my mouth was watering. Andreas must have noticed and since he knows the owner of the restaurant pretty well, he was able to still get a table for the 2 of us.

After some drama at home regarding - you guessed it - the internet and not being able to print our train tickets, we arrived at the train station quite a bit stressed and unnerved. That changed the moment we sat down in the train and the excitement took over again.

We arrived in Frankfurt only about 8 minutes late (a round of applause for the Deutsche Bahn, please), found the hotel right away (hubby booked a room at a super stylish ne

w hotel, I was thrilled!), we got changed in record time and were at BUZZANO's at 8.30 pm.

I can't even begin to describe how delicious the food was.
I ate things I never thought I'd try. [Somehow, I forgot to take a picture of the dessert... probably because it was way too delicious!!! lol]

it is too late for me to translate the menue into English, so the picture will have to do. :P

We left the restaurant just in time to make it to the OPERNPLATZ (which is about 2 minutes away) and greeted the New Year right next to the place we had dinner after our engagement.

the first picture of Andreas & I in 2011

There were hundreds of people and the fireworks were beautiful, magnificent and magical. I felt like a little child; I was in a sate of pure bliss! :)

THIS WAS BY FAR THE BEST START TO A NEW YEAR!!!!

Taking the first and most important step

A few weeks ago, I FINALLY admitted to myself and to the people around me that I have an eating disorder and that I have had it for about 15 years or so.

It is a shameful thing to admit.

There are different causes of anorexia. I never thought that I looked too fat or wanted to be a model or anything in that direction. I have just always been terribly scared of not being accepted for who I am.
My weight is what defines me. It is who I am. I am thinking about what food and exercise 24/7 and have been doing that for more than a decade. I worry about it every second of the day.

Like I said, my goal has never been to be skinny because I thought that it looked nice. Being skinny is just the result of trying to prove my body wrong, of trying to be as strict with myself as I possibly can, of trying to show my family that I was good at one thing: staying in shape.

But I am exhausted. It has gone too far. I can`t live like that anymore.
I can honestly tell you that I cannot remember EVER enjoying a single meal WITHOUT thinking of the consequences, without thinking about a way to get rid of it. It is a prison and I just now realized that this isn`t normal, that it cannot be the way to live life.

I need help. I need it fast. I know that now.

It is time to start the battle against my eating disorder.

Thanks to my husband...

... I can now present you with an English version of our New Year's Greetings!

Looking back and ahead!

Andreas & I wanted to post this message yesterday, but - again - this certain someone sabotaged our plans and despite trying for hours and hours, we weren't able to post this card. But it is a beautiful card and I don't want it to go to waste, so - with a slight delay - here it is:

for my German friends and family [and for those who know how to use Google Translate... lol]


.... the English version got lost. :(