It is 9:10 am and I am already more than stressed out because of what lies ahead of me today.
I do not have one single hour to relax, I have so many therapies, so much to take care of and it just keeps getting more and more. And at the same time, I keep thinking, what is the point? I will be out of here in 10 days anyway, so why do I even put all the energy that is left in these therapies? Why do I even agree to one conversation after the other with one of the team members when they do not give a s**t what happens to me after they throw me out on May 24th? Right now, all I see, when they talk to me telling me how concerned they are about my state, is their hipocracy. If they were really so concerned about me, they would not cling to that impossible goal to gain 12 pounds in less than 2 weeks, they would realize that this is not realistic and not doable, they would see the state I am in and treat me as an individual and not just a number.
I love this place, I really like most of the therapists, doctors and the nurses, but I do not understand how they could willingly decline someone who needs help, someone who came to this place as a last resort, their much needed treatment.
No matter what they say, they know that I will hit rock bottom again the moment I will be thrown out, and they do not care.
I am sorry for this rant so early in the morning, but I am desperate, I am angry, I am said and I am helpless and I needed to put it all out there.
I do not have one single hour to relax, I have so many therapies, so much to take care of and it just keeps getting more and more. And at the same time, I keep thinking, what is the point? I will be out of here in 10 days anyway, so why do I even put all the energy that is left in these therapies? Why do I even agree to one conversation after the other with one of the team members when they do not give a s**t what happens to me after they throw me out on May 24th? Right now, all I see, when they talk to me telling me how concerned they are about my state, is their hipocracy. If they were really so concerned about me, they would not cling to that impossible goal to gain 12 pounds in less than 2 weeks, they would realize that this is not realistic and not doable, they would see the state I am in and treat me as an individual and not just a number.
I love this place, I really like most of the therapists, doctors and the nurses, but I do not understand how they could willingly decline someone who needs help, someone who came to this place as a last resort, their much needed treatment.
No matter what they say, they know that I will hit rock bottom again the moment I will be thrown out, and they do not care.
I am sorry for this rant so early in the morning, but I am desperate, I am angry, I am said and I am helpless and I needed to put it all out there.
I STAY WITH YOU
ReplyDeleteConsider this a challenge to remember that the long term dedication to your health comes from YOU - not these therapists and doctors. If YOU want this YOU can do it. Take what they give you now and start trying to see if they can continue to apply when its just you...after all, you do NOT want to have to depend on them for the rest of your life for your health (plus wouldn't it be annoying to have a cadre of doctors following you around all the time ;) )
ReplyDeleteLove you.
Wow, it seems some healthcare problems are common wherever you go. I'm sorry to see you feel like you are being rushed and sent on your way. As Alison said, hopefully this is an opportunity for you to set up a support system for your life at home. Sometimes in our spiritual lives, a retreat weekend can represent a significant break between our previous life and a new beginning. If you take with you the best part of your time under treatment, and carry forward those techniques and habits, then you can make the best of the circumstances.
ReplyDelete"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)
Just think of it this way, if they didn't challenge you, then you would forever procratinate the actual date away. Sometimes, we have make that impossible leap to realize that it was possible.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. We are cheering for you.
Anne, I am a few days behind on reading your blog, I wanted to let you know that I am praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much, Cliff!
ReplyDeleteAnd for everybody else who wrote me kind, honest, kicking-Anne-in-the-butt messages; THANK you all so much too. I honestly do not know why these comments were deleted. It wasn't me, that is for sure...